I took a road trip this weekend and noticed something interesting: I have an hourly trash quotient. After four hours in the car, the passenger seat was littered with plastic bottles, candy wrappers and the like. By the time I got to Vegas, I literally had seven pounds of garbage in the car. What's sad is that I think each waking hour of my life generates approximately this much waste - eating pre-wrapped stuff, buying bottles of things - I just never notice because I don't have to carry it with me. Maybe middle school environmental education should consist of forcing kids to carry around a day's waste.  ¶ 8/31/2001 02:04:00 AM 0 comments links to this post

We need to develop a set of etiquette rules for the coffee line. everytime i step up to that condiment counter it's a jumble of people trying to get to the cream, the sugar's on the other side, where are the stirrers? the whole process is a disaster and would be much simpler if we could just all agree that you put in the cream first, then the sugar, then the coffee then you stir and optionally repeat. whatever it takes, just keep the coffee assembly line moving.  ¶ 8/24/2001 04:40:00 AM 0 comments links to this post

Today I was trapped in the crowded aisles of Amoeba records and thought to myself "this is quite a log jam." Which is ridiculous really because I've never even seen a log jam. Nor have I ever seen a mule be stubborn, or stricken while the iron was hot, or counted chickens before they hatch. In fact, I have no personal experience with any of the metaphors I keep thinking about every day. They're all from the 1800's!!! The time has come for the nation to collectively sit down and think up some new metaphors.   ¶ 8/22/2001 10:08:00 PM 0 comments links to this post

Hmm . . . brianistheman.com can be rearranged to spell: "biharmonic stamen" or "hit on Mrs. Ambiance" or "I'm mother cannabis" or "him manic on breast" http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/advanced.html   ¶ 8/21/2001 10:47:00 PM 0 comments links to this post

Just how unethical is it to accept a drink from a gay man? any more so than when women accept drinks from guys they're not attracted to?  ¶ 8/21/2001 12:54:00 AM 0 comments links to this post

Perhaps the reason that so many minorities are "poor" is that nobody markets to them. White americans are constantly besieged by ads showing attractive, successful white people buying things. So they get higher paying jobs they don't like to buy the things they don't need. Once all the white people are overworking and overconsuming, then, by comparison, the non-white people seem to be "poor."   ¶ 8/18/2001 07:05:00 PM 0 comments links to this post

i don't see why they call it a one night stand. there really isn't any standing involved.  ¶ 8/18/2001 04:12:00 PM 0 comments links to this post

Well after a brief hiatus, brianistheman.com is back online. I had a few too many hacker attempts, and seeing as how my computer holds all my secrets to lovemaking, I had to go and get me a firewall.   ¶ 8/15/2001 10:25:00 PM 0 comments links to this post

http://www.jdogg.com . oh man. sweet jesus that is funny.  ¶ 8/10/2001 03:59:00 AM 0 comments links to this post

Great Mobile Homes of Mississippi - The Trailer Park  ¶ 8/09/2001 06:39:00 PM 0 comments links to this post

ideas are like food. I gobble up life experiences and digest them into thoughts. gobble. digest. gobble. digest. occasionally i excrete bad ideas. hopefully the life I lead will give me intellectual nourishment.   ¶ 8/09/2001 01:16:00 AM 0 comments links to this post

My car is filthy. A spider lives in my side view mirror, making cobwebs between the mirror and the window. I've never seen the spider - yet each time I take down the web, the very next morning it's back. I've given up. At this point, that spider is really the only pet I have.   ¶ 8/08/2001 10:42:00 PM 0 comments links to this post

This code red worm is incredible. brianistheman.com has been scanned for the weakness literally hundreds of times today. who will stop the madness?  ¶ 8/04/2001 10:07:00 PM 0 comments links to this post

That tiny wireless camera that's advertised everywhere on the Internet: this is the scariest development of the last decade.  ¶ 8/04/2001 09:55:00 PM 0 comments links to this post

There aren't enough ugly people on TV. It's kind of like in the 1950's when you never saw black people on TV except as the butt of a joke or something. That's the way it is with ugliness. Ugly is the last group to be acceptably discriminated against. I think in the future the words "ugly" or "fat" will be kind of like the words "nigger" or "kyke." Future people will wonder how we could possibly have been so crass in the 2000's.   ¶ 8/04/2001 05:57:00 PM 0 comments links to this post

There are two kinds of feminists in this world. There are feminists I like, and feminists I don't like. The feminists I like are all pro-porn. Go figure.  ¶ 8/04/2001 05:33:00 AM 0 comments links to this post

I've decided to revise my theory of human motivation: our primary goal in life is to optimize our daily routines. When put in any particular environment, a human being will try to develop a routine. At first, the routine is very inefficient - like when you spend your first night in a new apartment and you can't find your toothbrush in the morning. Fumbling around, digging through boxes, we finally find that toothbrush after half an hour. Simple dental care requires huge amounts of thought and time. The next morning, and every subsequent morning, that toothbrush stays in exactly the same place. Same goes for new jobs - ramping up takes forever. Each and every day, we try to make our routine a little more efficient, then that much more efficient. Finally, after whittling away at the last inefficiencies of daily routine, you decide to take on a new task: having kids, demanding a promotion, getting married. New environment, new optimization opportunity. It's all the optimization.   ¶ 8/01/2001 12:58:00 AM 0 comments links to this post